Would They Lie To You?

“This is a book about how to succeed through obscurity. Not by lying; lying is wrong. But you can steer a truck through the gap between a lie and the truth. This book will tell you how to load the truck.”

It’s a tough world out there, and everyone wants something from you. You need a guide book.

Would They Lie To You? explains how to make money by guessing the future, why “cautiously optimistic” is the best answer to most questions, and why you should be worried when your employer announces that “our staff are our greatest asset”.

It covers vital life skills:
– avoiding blame
– using words and statistics to prove anything

– sounding like you’re saying one thing when you’re actually saying the opposite
– taking credit for other people’s work 

It has lists of words, like these ones…
humbled – proud. As in, ‘I’m deeply humbled to accept this award, as I shall now demonstrate by gently boasting for the next three minutes.’ To describe people who’ve actually been humbled, try ‘humiliated’.
a real danger – there is no danger of this happening at all.
with respect – please die.
with the greatest respect – please die now.
that’s deeply patronizing – I’m not going to dispute your conclusion, but I think you should feel bad for reaching it.
technocrat – someone who understands the subject, but whom I wish you to ignore. antonym: ‘independent expert’.
consultation – we’re not going to let the fact that we can’t work out how to do it stop us from announcing what we want to do.
regret – we’re sorry that people are upset about the thing that we did that we’re not sorry we did.

And it has Venn diagrams, like this one:
people are always saying this sort of thing

The Set Of All Things Venn

It has a one-size-fits-all political speech, reproduced in the Spectator:


And bits that have already been popular online, like this bit:wpid-wp-1397032276022.jpeg

3 Responses to Would They Lie To You?

  1. Matt McGuire says:

    Splendid, insightful, funny stuff. I like the look of this book very, very much indeed. Thanks.

  2. Alan Burnett says:

    Just in this sample I can see some of my stock ‘get out’ phrases, looking forward to learning some more. But to be honest I’ve never told a direct lie.

  3. Bostongirl71 says:

    Have to say this was very insightful and came into my life with perfect timing!
    Would of love to read more on this subject and techniques.
    In a cut throat world and with few to trust I have ammunition to not only play the player but win the war!
    thank you

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